REPLACE The capacitors... period... story ended...
I have now. It fixed the RAM problem, the sad maccing and the whistling through the speaker. However, the hard drive still spins down after power up, and it doesn't seem to
ever work (although only time will tell). Once, it did the other thing where it would play half the death chime before playing the happy chime and asking for a boot disk (I don't know why it's doing that-anyway).
How could I fix the hard disk trouble? (So far I've tried a PRAM battery and a recap)