- any mistakes or incompatibilities will render the card virtually 100% dead.
EEERRRRR! Wrong. Many times if a non compatible ROM is used you can still try again. Sure,
sometimes it can bugger a card permanently but not all that often.
This is one of the situations where you'd really want to utilize Google to its fullest extent.
This here page may give you a hint as to which cards would work best. You should also spend as little money as possible on cards to be flashed (except the Voodoo 3000/4000), because if the card gets hosed, you're almost completely out of luck.
But completely hosing a card is not as common as you say and most of the time you just have to flash back the PC ROM and either just use it in a PC or sell it(after testing of course). Don't be afraid to buy an expensive card, just make sure success has been had with a similar one first and don't mess with the ROM too much.
Now, if you wanted to try to get other cards working you would need to do some serious ROM hacking and that could allow you to kill a card pretty fast but even then, sometimes it is a simple as replacing the EEPROM although you could potentially have fried something else if you accidentally set a certain voltage too high or something.
Really though, if you look about the "The Mac Elite" forum and wiki as well as the old Strangedogs forum there is lots of into to help you ident cards to see if they have a chance of working or not.
Just remember to compare the PCB layout with a similar type of card that has already been flashed and if it matters for your card check the numbers on it. Also, if you have any questions do not be afraid to use the search feature on The Mac Elite and failing that, do not be afraid to ask about a card.